Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
