the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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