So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
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