I must be too annoying 4 u.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
