anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize