I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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