So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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