i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
