I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize