sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I wish my penis had an off switch
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You are the jesus of drinking
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
