And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
