He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
My vagina just clenched in fear
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
