I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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