I faked an abortion last night.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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