Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
