Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
