as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
