that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
