I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize