I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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