12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize