From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
