Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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