New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
