dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
