I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm at about main and main street
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
