I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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