I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Randomize
