in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
