So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
