Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You brought string cheese to the strip club
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
