Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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