Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
