; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Where is the hickey?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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