I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Farmville is her only friend.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
