i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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