Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
