he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
