so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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