420 ftw
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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