You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
