I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Randomize
