I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
