You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You can't special order awesome
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
