First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
my shit smells like andre
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
