and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
