The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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