found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
