i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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