if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
