I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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