she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
