respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I need to stop coming to work sober
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
