as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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