My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
