I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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