i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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