FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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