I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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