Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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