We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
