K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize