don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
