I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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