literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
