my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
